April 2002

I'm laying in bed pondering my life and listening to Henry Rollins talk about fucking with people. I haven't written anything in a while and I feel I need to vent. I find myself becoming desensitized to the need to feel. Not much has been going on except the police fucking with me! I've been on probation for three months, I am wanted in two counties including the town I live in! It's just that I feel that the police and their laws are nothing but a pile of horse shit. Saturday the prom party was at the house. About 100 people showed up. All went pretty well, no fights, and as usual I fell about three times in front of most of the people I know. Some kid did something to a girl and I apparently thought it deserved an apology. I can't remember what he did but I took it upon myself to drag him around the party looking for her and the forced him to apologize and told him to fuck off. For a while now I've been feeling kind of depressed so I've been jamming punk rock. Mostly Black Flag and Fear. Lately I've been using some hard drugs and want to stop. I hate the fact that I'm so weak willed. I can't say no when it's put in front of me. I've also been having this overwhelming urge to leave this town and see what I'm made of. My fate may be in some foreign land or traveling the roads of America. It's just an impulse.